How I Learned to Love Myself, and Why You Should Too

Letting go of the people and things that don’t bring you joy can be challenging. It can feel like an uphill battle to even recognize the toxic relationships in your life, much less excise them from it. In this world where social media makes us feel like everyone else is happier and has better friends or partners, it can be hard to have the confidence to stand up for yourself and demand more from those around you. However, learning to love yourself isn’t as scary as it may seem. Even if you don’t feel confident in who you are right now, there are simple ways that you can change that—starting today! The best part about loving yourself is that once you begin caring for your own well-being above all else, others around you will respond positively. Hebe

Start with Self-Care

We often forget that self-care is an important part of loving ourselves. Oftentimes we get so caught up in trying to please others or fit into someone else’s idea of what we should be that we forget to take care of our own needs. You’re going to be a lot less patient with others when you’re sleep-deprived and stressed out. You’re going to feel less like yourself when you aren’t eating well or exercising. When you start taking care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and finding time for self-care activities like yoga or meditation, you’ll feel more confident in who you are.

Practice Self-Love

Self-love can be challenging, especially if you’ve been putting yourself down for years. However, it’s one of the most important parts of loving yourself. If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect others to? Self-love can manifest itself in many ways, but it always starts with a critical eye. Start to examine your life and the things that have become ingrained in it. How do you talk to yourself? How do you treat your body? How do you spend your time? If any of those things don’t make you feel good about yourself, it’s time to change them.

Find Your POSHH (Point of Shame and Humiliation)

Finding your POSHH can go a long way to helping you let go of toxic relationships and make new, healthier ones. If you haven’t already, take a look back at your childhood. Were there any events in your life that left you feeling shame or humiliation? Whatever it is, write it down. Now, what is the lesson you learned from that event? This can be hard to pinpoint, but once you figure out the lesson, you can use it to help you let go of those feelings. If, for example, your POSHH is being teased relentlessly in elementary school, the lesson you’ve likely learned from it is that you aren’t good enough. This can be applied in your adult relationships, helping you see where you’re being treated poorly and highlighting the relationships that you need to let go of.

Learn to Let Go

Knowing what to let go of is a crucial part of learning to love yourself. If you can’t identify the toxic relationships in your life, you won’t be able to extricate yourself from them. If you’ve ever had to break up with a significant other, you know how hard it can be. You have to have a conversation with the person that makes them feel bad, even if you don’t want them to. This can be even more challenging to do when the relationship is with a friend or family member. However, you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. If there are relationships in your life that don’t make you feel good about yourself, it’s time to let them go. Make a list of the relationships in your life that you feel aren’t healthy. Now, figure out how to let them go.


When it comes to loving yourself, the best place to start is by identifying the relationships in your life that aren’t healthy. You can’t love yourself if you’re spending your time with people who make you feel badly about yourself. Once you’ve cleared out the toxic relationships in your life, you can begin to focus more on self-love. The first step in that is by recognizing that you are enough. Until you understand that you don’t need to be anyone else, you won’t be able to love yourself. Once you’ve accepted that you don’t need to change who you are to be loved, you can begin to love yourself for who you are.

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